Yesterday it was announced that the Terminator franchise rights are up for sale, and now Joss Whedon has written a hilarious letter to the franchise owners to buy the rights for $10,000. The piece is just so funny I had to repost it here (you can find the original on Whedonesque):

An Open Letter to the Terminator Owners. From a Very Important Hollywood Mogul

Dear Sirs/Ma’ams,

I am Joss Whedon, the mastermind behind Titan A.E., Parenthood (not the movie) (or the new series) (or the one where ‘hood’ was capitalized ’cause it was a pun), and myriad other legendary tales. I have heard through the ‘grapevine’ that the Terminator franchise is for sale, and I am prepared to make a pre-emptive bid RIGHT NOW to wrap this dealio up. This is not a joke, this is not a scam, this is not available on TV. I will write a check TODAY for $10,000, and viola! Terminator off your hands.

No, you didn’t miscount. That’s four — FOUR! — zeroes after that one. That’s to show you I mean business. And I mean show business. Nikki Finke says the Terminator concept is played. Well, here’s what I have to say to Nikki Finke: you are a fine journalist and please don’t ever notice me. The Terminator story is as formative and important in our culture — and my pretend play — as any I can think of. It’s far from over. And before you Terminator-Owners (I have trouble remembering names) rush to cash that sweet cheque, let me give you a taste of what I could do with that franchise:

1) Terminator… of the Rings! Yeah, what if he time-travelled TOO far… back to when there was dragons and wizards? (I think it was the Dark Ages.) Hasta La Vista, Boramir! Cool, huh? “Now you gonna be Gandalf the Red!” RRRRIP! But then he totally helps, because he’s a cyborg and he doesn’t give a s#&% about the ring — it has no power over him! And he can carry it AND Frodo AND Sam AND f@%& up some orcs while he’s doing it. This stuff just comes to me. I mean it. (I will also offer $10,000 for the Lord of the Rings franchise).

2) More Glau. Hey. There’s a reason they’re called “Summer” movies.

3) Can you say… musical? Well don’t. Even I know that’s an awful idea.

4) Christian Bale’s John Connor will get a throat lozenge. This will also help his Batwork (ten grand for that franchise too, btw.)

5) More porn. John Connor never told Kyle Reese this, but his main objective in going to the past was to get some. What if there’s a lot of future-babies that have to be made? Cue wah-wah pedal guitar — and dollar signs!

6) The movies will stop getting less cool.

Okay. There’s more — this brain don’t quit! (though it has occasionally been fired) — but I think you get my drift. I really believe the Terminator franchise has only begun to plumb the depths of questioning the human condition during awesome stunts, and I’d like to shepherd it through the next phase. The money is there, but more importantly, the heart is there. But more importantly, money. Think about it. End this bloody bidding war before it begins, and put the Terminator in the hands of someone who watched the first one more than any other movie in college, including “Song of Norway” (no current franchise offer). Sincerely, Joss Whedon.

A couple of weeks ago I somehow ended up on a Amazon giant rubber duck page (most probably because of some friends from Mr Duck) and the next I got this funny recommendation from Amazon:

At previous Hackdays/BarCamps I’ve gotten involved in making ‘funny’ videos, but nothing as elaborate (or professional looking) as what these guys have done. Tom Scott and Matt Grey challenged each other to getting in the most camera shots on the news as possible:

[Watch on MissGeeky.com]

Brilliant!

Episode 107: “The Electric Friendship Generator”

I have a love-hate relationship with Facebook. On the one hand I find it really useful and occasionally “fun” to use, on the other hand it sometimes just annoys me to no end. Anyhow, I found this little video pretty funny on how to “behave” on Facebook:

[Watch the video on MissGeeky.com]

Via raxraxrax

Episode 68: “Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow.” 

Remember that funny animated cat video from a few months back? Since then the creator has made two more just a cute animations. They both remind so much of my own cat!

Episode 59: “But I can’t relax”

Just because I can, here’s a cute video of kittens playing with a tissue box:

It makes me want to have cats again, but I’ll have to wait till I have a larger apartment. Two cats preferably; one for me and for Cristiano (he’s already decided he wants to name his cat Stark).

Episode 52: “And I miss your base and I miss your height”

I always love those Muppets musical parodies where they take a song and twist it a bit. Now Sesame Street has done the same thing together with James Blunt on his famous (but rather annoying) “You’re Beautiful”. Can you guess where the song’s going?

Yesterday was a very busy news day. Lots of new stuff coming out, special projects being announced, you’d think it was some special day, right? Anyhow here’s a couple of the most interesting news items from yesterday.

Virgle
Richard Branson announced yesterday a joint venture between the Virgin Group and Google: Virgle. Their goal is pretty straightforward: establishing a permanent settlement on Mars. Better yet though, the whole project will be open source. If you are bent on becoming a Virgle Pioneer yourself, you can even apply for it here. Find out more at Virgle: The Adventure of Many Lifetimes.

Moo’s MightyCard
We all love our little Moo MiniCards, but sometimes you just need something bigger. Something that will really impress you business clients. Something that doesn’t fit in your pocket. Moo has come up with the perfect solution: the MightyCard. They come in batches of 50 and just like the MiniCards you can get a different image on each of them. I can’t wait to see what types of holders they’ll design for these!

PayPerTweet
There are an increasing number of Twitterers with tens of thousands of followers, but no way to monetize their followership. Enter: PayPerTweet. Get paid for Twittering about web sites, products, services and companies. And earn extra cash by “ReTweeting”: users help messages go viral by forwarding the paid Twitters of others.

Flying Penguins
Camera crews for a documentary called “Miracles of Evolution” discovered a colony of Adélie penguins and were astonished when the colony suddenly took to the skies. The film maker, Prof. Alid Loyas, said: “We could hardly believe our eyes. It was amazing. It’s the perfect example of Darwin’s theory of evolution working in release.” Take a look at the flying penguins yourself:

Legend of Zelda: The Movie
I have no idea how I could have missed details on this upcoming movie! This looks so awesome; I just know this movie is going to blow everybody’s mind away. So far it looks like Link and Zelda have been perfectly cast, but I’ll have to see the complete movie to fully judge this. Watch the trailer at IGN.

Gmail Custom Time
In more Google news, Gmail revealed Custom Time, where you can set a custom time when you send an email. This way you can send emails to the past with those emails appearing in the proper chronological order in your recipient’s inbox. It uses an e-flux capacitor to resolve issues of causality. Be careful how you use these though: every person is only allowed to use 10 pre-dated emails per year. So make sure you use them wisely.

gDay
Google has been busy! Google Australia announced their new search feature gDay, allowing users to search the web pages published tomorrow. The app uses MATE™ (Machine Automated Temporal Extrapolation) to construct elements of the future. “Using a mashup of numerous factors such as recurrence plots, fuzzy measure analysis, online betting odds and the weather forecast from the iGoogle weather gadget, we can create a sophisticated model of what the internet will look like 24 hours from now.” How handy is that??

Conversational Ads
Again another Google announcement, this time for Adsense for conversations. With a few simple steps, you can display ads that are relevant to the topics you are discussing. Even cooler: anyone talking to you, can immediately take advantage of the product or service advertised. Just hit the ad with your hand and thanks to the new Teleportation Technology, you’ll be transported to the place where the service is offered.

New ThinkGeek Products
ThinkGeek introduced so many cool new products, I can’t even begin to describe them all. For starters, every geek should have the Betamax to HD-DVD Converter. It plays and records both Super and regular Betamax, uses electricity and even has a manual!

I always love a puzzle and I always lock my door, so the Defendius Labyrinth Security Lock perfectly combines this.

Caffeinated cereal! Brilliant idea! Each serving of Spazztroids cereal will pump your body with vitamins and nutrients and a 180mg dose of caffeine.

There’s also this T-Shirt that everybody is geeking out about: the Personal Soundtrack T-Shirt. It features a speaker on the front and provides background music and sound effects at your command. I wouldn’t want one of these though; my mind already provides a soundtrack and I think the two would clash with each other.

To check out more of their new products, just have a look at their website.

BMW Canine Repellent Alloy Protection
This is a great announcement for car lovers: BMW has designed a system to stop dogs fouling new BMW cars. The C.R.A.P. system harnesses energy, that would have been lost during engine over-run and braking, as Rim Impulse Power (R.I.P.). Whenever a dog tries to relieve itself against an equipped BMW, a small electric shock is administered. Dr Hans Zoff, Head of Automotive Security, says: “Beauty through engineering perfection – our philosophy in a wheel nut.”

World of Warcraft: The Molten Core
Wow, WoW is returning to console gaming! The Molten Core will allow players to experience the world of the World of Warcraft in a new format with new challenges and new rewards. It will be initially available for the Atari 2600 platform, but additional console systems will be revealed in the future. Check out the trailer, it looks super cool!

iPhone Can Connect To Everything
As a final news item, I wanted to highlight this blog post from Matt Cutts. He discovered his iPhone could connect to anything! It could even open doors:

Episode 45: “Oh, Danny Boy. Oh, Danny Boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.”

I know a couple of other blogs that posted this video for St. Patrick’s Day, but it’s just too funny to not mention it here. My three favorite muppets (The Swedish Chef, Animal and Beaker) singing Danny Boy:

This story was posted on Nancy Redd’s website and I just had to repeat it. It’s a forwarded email from a woman who decides to try out waxing on some sensitive places. I’ve only had my eyebrows waxed and I could barely stand the pain from that!

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal – The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now…the wax.

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: ’Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet.’

So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those ’cold wax’ kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.

No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be?

I mean, I’m not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!) So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. (’Cold wax,’ yeah…right!) I lay the strip across my thigh.

Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn’t the best feeling, but it wasn’t too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip).

I inhale deeply and brace myself….RRRRRRIIIIPPP!!!! I’m blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!…. OH MY GAUD!!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I’ve only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted. I think I may pass out…must stay conscious…must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe………… OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy – a wax-covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!

There’s NO hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip…it’s not! I touch. I am touching wax. I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake…remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.

Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself: ‘Please don’t let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!’ What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I’ll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???

WRONG!

I get in the tub – The water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment – I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub…in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn’t melt cold wax.

So, now I’m stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!! I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It’s a very good conversation starter ‘So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!’

There is a slight pause. She doesn’t know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, ‘Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?’ She’s laughing out loud by now…I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.

YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else’s night.

While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor . Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I’m pretty sure I’m going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace….the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY STARS!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It’s sooo painful, but I really don’t care.

IT WORKS!

It works! I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair…

THE HAIR IS STILL THERE……..ALL OF IT!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I’m numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point. Next week I’m going to try hair color…